Finally Remake Monday Round 8 – Last House On The Left – Spoilers Ahead

Two girls are kidnapped, tortured, raped and finally murdered by a group of convicts. When the convicts are stranded in the woods they make their way to the closest house, which happens to be the home of one of the girls.

Directed by – Wes Craven

Written by – Wes Craven, Ulla Isaksson

Starring – Sandra Peabody, Lucy Grantham, David Hess, Fred J. Lincoln, Jeramie Rain, Marc Sheffler, Richard Towers, Cynthia Carr, Ada Washington, Marshall Anker, Martin Kove

I can feel the hate mail starting already but I didn’t like this movie. To me, it’s just one giant mess. While it may have been very brutal back in the day, it can’t hold a candle to some of the depraved things I’ve seen lately. Yes, the rape scene is still disturbing, but not as bad as the remake was.

The story jumps all around with no explanation for anything. When Mari’s parents realize she’s been hurt or killed by the convicts they run into the woods and right up to her like they knew she was there. We don’t see them look around even, just run towards the woods and then find her. Once that happens they become even more vicious than the killers were in the first place. The methodically place traps around and prepare to murder the criminals in ways that are much worse than the fate their daughter had.

Add to that the impossibly annoying and completely useless police officers and I was starting to tear my hair out. After the rape of Mari, all the criminals have this look on their face like they’ve gone too far, which they have, but I’m not sure if we’re supposed to feel bad for them at that moment or what. Obviously nobody could possibly have sympathy for them but I felt like someone wanted me to.

Two girls are kidnapped, tortured, raped and finally murdered by a group of convicts. When the convicts are stranded in the woods they make their way to the closest house, which happens to be the home of one of the girls.

Directed by – Dennis Iliadis

Written by – Adam Alleca, Carl Ellsworth, Wes Craven

Starring – Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, Garret Dillahunt, Aaron Paul, Spencer Treat Clark, Riki Lindhome, Martha MacIsaac, Sara Paxton, Michael Bowen, Joshua Cox, Usha Khan

Gotta say that I didn’t really like this one either. Obviously being made years later allows for some impressive upgrades to the gore of this film but was it necessary to make the rape scene even more brutal? And with the opening scene we have a shot that I am sick to death of seeing. The moment you show me a shot of someone in a car and we can see out the window next to them you know that someone else’s car will be smashing into the side of them. And that’s exactly what we get. It’s a scene I didn’t need and doesn’t add anything more to the flick besides showing how messed up the criminals are.

Once again the parents of the movie wind up being almost as bad as the criminals themselves, although it takes longer this time around and it’s that exact moment that really ruins this movie for me.

So who wins in the battle of brutality? I hate to pick a winner here since I disliked both movies but I’m gonna give it to the remake for a few reasons. (I”m just as shocked as you are, I know!)

The parents finding Mari in the woods so easily really bothered me. The completely stupid cops wasn’t even needed in the movie and only served to annoy me. Also, the parents figuring out what has happened and then switching to psychotic murderers themselves didn’t make sense. I have a daughter and if this ever happened to me, god forbid, I would probably brutally murder the people as well. But it wouldn’t be with a well planned trap, attack and defeat method. It would be pure lunacy. Me racing into a room with a large weapon and beating them to death before I even knew what was going on.

That’s where the original really won out for me. The reaction the parents have is more believable. You can tell they want to kill the criminals but they aren’t murderers. They don’t really seem to have it in them and it almost happens as a last resort type deal. Of course that’s all ruined at the end of the remake when the dad cooks the lead criminals head in the microwave. What the hell was the point of that? Bash his head in, sure. I can buy that. He’s out cold on the ground, you’ve got a fireplace poker in your hand, you snap and beat him to death. As soon as the dad goes out of his way to cripple the guy and then cook him up for dinner, he’s crossed the line from traumatized dad who lost it to insane killer.

The remake is also very brutal in the girls torture. While the original had more twisted moments, the remake really hits hard with its realism. It’s almost cartoony in the original with the goofy music coming in here and there and the stupid things they’re saying and doing. The remake plays it so close to reality that it was hard to watch. The criminals deserve what they get and it seems more balanced in the remake. Yeah, the criminals deserve it in the original but the careful planning of the parents and the ways they eliminate the bad guys are almost as bad, and possibly worse, than what they had done in the first place.

Here’s two movies I didn’t really feel up to watching and didn’t enjoy either. They seem almost pointless in their plots and may be there strictly to shock, which they succeed in. Like I said, I hate to pick a winner but I’ll have to give it to the remake.

Under the marquee – Will