Santa’s Slay – Film Reel Reviews

Santa’s not the holly jolly soul we all thought he was. He’s actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel, but that bet is over now and Santa’s back to what he does best, madness and mayhem!

Written and Directed by – David Steiman

Starring – Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp, Dave Thomas, Saul Rubinek, Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, Alicia Loren, Annie Sorell, Donna Zuk, Scott Francis Gibson, Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister, James Caan

This was a great addition to my holiday viewing and a great way to combine my love of horror and Christmas. This is very much a black comedy and was giving me a solid 80’s vibe for some reason. I’m not sure what it was about this one but I really loved it. It was corny, cheesy, funny and full of holiday joy!

It seems that Santa is actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel. We learn that particular part of the story when there’s a stop motion flashback that brings up memories of classic Christmas specials like Rudolph. That was quite easily my favorite part of the film. There’s also a hilarious opening scene where Santa spreads his special kind of love with a very dysfunctional family. A family full of questionable popular stars like Chris Kattan and Fran Drescher. I’m giving James Caan the benefit of the doubt as he’s probably the one truly successful person pulling a cameo in the first scene.

Santa (Bill Goldberg, yeah the former wrestler) has never looked more cool. Dressed more like Viking than seasonal good guy, he tears through the small town on his sleigh pulled by his hell deer causing mayhem and destruction and even stooping as low as smashing a nativity display! I’m not really sure if he was on the hunt for something in particular but he winds up finding it in the angel that had made the original bet with him. This all builds to an over the top finish to the film involving a curling match, some gun-toting townsfolk and a bazooka.

You don’t want to be on Santas naughty list!

This flick was full of laughs and had a distinctly Canadian feel to it. Of course it was filmed in Canada so that probably helped. That and any movie with Dave Thomas and curling in it just makes me feel like I’m watching SCTV or something. Believe, it’s not a great film exactly. The acting is questionable and the plot, while an interesting idea of Santa having always been a villain, is pretty shoddy at best. But that’s not important here. It’s freaking Santa going around killing people and cracking jokes. He lost a bet in a curling match! What more could you ask for.

 

That’s exactly what this movie is all about. Pure, over the top fun. It’s not for the kids but once they’re in bed and Mom and Dad have poured more rum than egg nog in their glass, it’s the perfect way to unwind from all the stress of over flowing shopping malls, pushy store workers and that guy coughing on your back in line at Old Navy. If only we could send this Santa to their house for Christmas!

 

Under the mistletoe – Will

Christmas – A time for peace, love and horror???

It’s no great secret for the regular readers here that I tend to lean into the horror genre more often than not. I didn’t really want to create a horror movie blog because there are tons of those (I guess there’s tons of movie blogs as well though!) and I didn’t want to focus on one section of movies. I love all kinds of movies, some a little less than others but you can’t love every one. Even if I don’t want to write about horror movies all the time, my collection of flicks is full of them. That means that I end up watching them alot. But with Christmas around the corner I always end up watching all the amazing Christmas movies that I’ve seen over and over again. With some suggestions from Bartleby over at Cinematropolis, I realized that I can put my two great loves together – horror flicks and the Christmas season!

After some searching around, not too much mind you since I can only handle reading the same titles over and over again, I found a few. There doesn’t seem to be too many out there but I’ve managed to come up with some good, bad and ugly ones.

At first I was going to limit the list to movies specifically involving a crazy Santa or someone dressed as Santa. When I realized that there wasn’t very many movies to begin with, I knew I had to throw them all in. Let’s start with the good ones first.

GREMLINS

Sure, it doesn’t exactly involve Santa himself but it does happen at Christmas and contains one of my favorite parts of a movie ever, the bar scene. It’s funny and scary all rolled into one with Gremlins drinking and hollering and having quite a good party if I may say so. And who can forget when Kate tells Billy about her father getting stuck and dying in the chimney one Christmas when he tried to make like Santa! Darkly hilarious.

 

 

 

 

 

CHILD’S PLAY

Alright, this is stretching it. It’s not exactly Christmas, Chucky isn’t a Christmas present but there’s some snow around! That counts for something doesn’t it? Okay, maybe it doesn’t but I’m putting it in here anyway. I was also just reading that it’s getting the remake treatment. That’s actually a remake that I wouldn’t mind seeing. Both Child’s Play and Gremlins spawned quite a few sequels, none of them reaching the level of awesome that I found in the originals though.

Right, back to the truly Christmas related horror flicks!

 

 

 

JACK FROST

The name sounds familiar and I wasn’t sure how this fit in here until I realized that it wasn’t Michael Keaton going around slaughtering the neighbours. Can’t say I’ve seen this one. I actually haven’t seen many of the films that will be on this list but the buzz on this one is not good. I wasn’t exactly expecting the next great classic but it must be ’so bad it’s good’ at least.

Serial killer Jack Frost is on his way to be executed when his transportation collides with a trailer carrying genetic material, causing Jack Frost to combine with the snow thereby creating a serial killing snowman bent on revenge. Doesn’t that just scream holiday good times to ya! I know I’ll be looking for it.

This one had a sequel as well which I’m sure is just as classic as this one. Jack Frost did have the first appearance of Shannon Elizabeth though. All the great ones start in horror! Can you say Jennifer Aniston!

 

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT

This one is probably more popular due to the call of banning it outright back in 1984 since the killer is dressed as Santa. Early 80’s, not a good time to be a horror movie I guess. It’s gained quite a following since it was released becoming somewhat of a cult classic and is a little hard to find for purchase.

When Billy (seriously, what’s with all the Billy’s on the list?) sees his parents murdered by a man dressed as Santa, it sets him on the path of ’slaying’ the naughty people of the world. Someone should be doing a background check on these store Santa’s. Also another one I haven’t seen fully although one of my friends used to watch this over and over again. I’m sure I’ve seen the complete film at least once but when you see it piece by piece it’s hard to make sense of it. Maybe I’ll get it in my stocking this year!

This one has had 4 sequels and judging by what I’ve read, each one more horrible than the last.

 

BLACK CHRISTMAS

Hurray for Canada on this one! Shame for anyone making a remake of this one, shame. I used to go to the local video store, you remember those things right? Usually small places run by nice people and not giant mega stores that they are now….anyway. The guy that worked there would constantly be watching this movie, the image of a girl with a plastic bag over her head is burned in my brain now from seeing it so many times. And wouldn’t you know that it features another Billy! Seriously considering a name change right about now.

This was released in 1974 and many argue that it’s the true start of the ’slasher’ genre. It also has killer making phone calls from inside the house, a quite over-used idea now. While it’s not Santa himself doing the killings, it does take place at a sorority house during Christmas. Now that I think about it, this movie is full of clichés that had yet to be exploited. Sorority house, phone calls from in the house, the slasher. I guess us Canadians now how to start a trend. I’m not sure that everyone is thankful for that though.

 

SANTA’S SLAY

Big thanks to Bartleby for mentioning this one because it sounds awesome in its badness! I’ll be watching it tonight actually!

In this one we find out that Santa is actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel and had to be good, bringing joy and toys to the kids of the world. When the bet is finally off, Santa can return to what he does best, killin’ people!

I don’t know much about this one and didn’t want to read too much since I’ll actually watch it tonight but doesn’t that just sound amazing anyway! It features Bill Goldberg as Santa, yeah, Goldberg the wrestler and he looks like he makes one mean Santa. I really can’t wait to see this one so you’ll all have to come back tomorrow to see what I thought about it.

 

DEADLY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

I saved this for last not because it’s the best but because it only came out this year. By the sounds of it I’m in for something really bad but when has that ever stopped me. Plus, that’s my job. I watch the bad flicks and tell you guys all about them.

Here we have another example of demented child (thankfully not named Billy) grows into a truly insane adult and begins killing people in the holiday season. I’ve read that it’s basically Halloween but at Christmas time. Sounds like the only really scary part about this one is the acting. Apparently over the top with some really bad dialogue, this one will probably have me laughing inappropriately when I should be shivering in fright.

It may not be a classic, or even good for that matter, but it’s another helping of holiday death!

 

Well, that’s the list! I left a few out, not too many mind you, and if anyone has heard of some others, let me know. I think my Christmas collection needs some more blood in it. I’ve already got my favorites lined up for Christmas but I think I’ll enjoy throwing some good old-fashioned horror into the mix. Now I’ve gotta get the kids to bed so visions of sugarplums can dance in their heads. And when their quietly tucked away I’m going to take a trip on Santa’s Slay. If you’re really good you’ll find a nicely wrapped blog post tomorrow, but if you guys are naughty then Santa and I are making stops at everyone’s house!

Under the mistletoe – Will

Disney’s A Christmas Carol – Film Reel Reviews

The classic tale of Scrooge and his Christmas Eve visit from three ghosts.

Directed by – Robert Zemeckis

Written by – Charles Dickens, Robert Zemeckis

Starring – Jim Carrey, Steve Valentine, Daryl Sabara, Sage Ryan, Ryan Ochoa, Bobbi Page, Ron Bottitta, Sammi Hanratty, Julian Holloway, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Cary Elwes, Robin Wright Penn, Bob Hoskins, Jacquie Barnbrook

I’m starting this one with the one, giant problem I had with it. It is marketed in the completely wrong manner. Maybe I haven’t paid enough attention to the commercials but I got the impression that this was for the kids. It seemed like Jim Carrey would be in pure, over the top character throughout and I would be driven nuts having to see it with the kids. After watching it, I’m wondering where the fun is for the kids at all.

It’s intensely serious. The audience I saw it with only chuckled, and I mean chuckled and not laughed out loud, twice. My kids, although not known for their bravery, spent at least 20 mins of the movie with their ears covered and their heads buried in my arms. There were some genuinely scary moments. The kind of jump scares usually reserved for horror flicks. Creepy looking ghosts bursting out and screaming and the inevitable brush with Christmas Future at the end had my kids hiding.

The dialogue is all in old English so I’m not sure my kids even got some of it. There’s no sight gags or funny jokes and wasn’t much for the kids to really like here. With all that being said, I enjoyed it. As an adult, the performances were very well done and there were quite a few moments where the emotion was strong. Strong enough to bring some to tears I would imagine. Everyone knows the story and I’m sure we all know the parts that will bring the waterworks. Tiny Tim being a strong one in particular.

Scrooge meets his first ghost.

What surprised me most was the performance of Jim Carrey. I had expected a flashback to his early movie days of being a total ass and I wasn’t looking forward to it. What I got instead was an amazing performance. He does an amazing job and really brought alot of emotion to the movie. The end scenes of his visit from Christmas Future and his rebirth as a happy and loving man were actually moving. I totally believed in the character and the story and while much of this can go to the actors, alot of it must go towards the animation.

It is incredible. The slightest little twitch of an eyebrow or lip was there for all to see. There were some moments where you’d almost forget it was animated at all. The ghosts were even more incredible. Realistic enough to frighten both my kids and genuinely creepy looking at times. When Scrooge is visited by his old friend Marley you can see how much work has gone into the movie. The ghost is solid and yet transparent at the same time. I’m not sure that makes sense exactly but that’s how it made me feel. Like I could punch him but could still see everything that was directly behind him. The final ghost was also well done. Crawling out of shadows and becoming solid before sinking back into them to just become a flat shadow itself.

The ghost of Christmas Present. One of my favorites.

There’s many times throughout the movie where Scrooge is quickly whisked away, flying through the countryside and darting through trees. These scenes actually made my stomach churn and I had to turn away. It reminded me of being a small kid and going to see the huge IMAX movies at Ontario Place. It really felt like I was flying around, I’m sure intensified by the 3D, and it was killing my gut! HAHA!

Overall, this movie was very well done but I still don’t think it’s a very good kids movie which is how it seems to be advertised. I’m sure most kids won’t be frightened by it like mine were, but I don’t think they would find it all that interesting either. It’s a depressing story and it’s not dressed up to be pretty here. I was really impressed by all parts of this film, from its animation to its acting to its score. It’s a very well done movie. I just wish I hadn’t brought the kids to it, they were not impressed at all.

Under the mistletoe – Will

Time flies when you’re breaking arms!

No, not my arm but my son’s. And I guess I should point out that I didn’t break it! Someone fell on him at school and that was the end of it. But that’s only part of the story.

I think the last time I posted on here was October 25th and it’s now the 16th of November. To put it simply, it’s been a mentally draining few weeks. I tried my best to get the Halloween spirit flowing in me but it just wasn’t happening. Something about this year was off and I’m sure it had everything to do with my poor brain and wasn’t anyones fault in particular. Now, I’m more of a fan of Christmas so I figured that the lack of Halloween spirit wouldn’t mean too much. Really, most of my year is pretty Halloween-y anyway!

We hosted a great Halloween party, which hasn’t happened for years around here because I’m always busy with the kids. Since they weren’t here this year we figured it was time to start it up again. While being busy with party planning helped, it also killed my energy and I never got to watch any flicks. This also wouldn’t be a problem because when Christmas time hits, the slew of holiday movies I have start coming out.

Then November rolled around. The push to quit smoking began and along with that came the irritability. On top of all that was the anxiety. There’s always periods where it’s really bad and it’s really good. Lately was really bad. Some shiny new meds helped to slow that problem but then my son fractured his arm. Lets just say that 8 and a half hours going back and forth between the hospital and numerous walk in clinics, an expired health card and the odd feeling that everyone around me was slowly infecting me with their diseases helped to end the non-smoking bid.

I was burned out, cranky, tired, twitchy and all around dead to the world. I’m sure everyone knows the feeling. Suddenly small things that are unimportant seem like the end of the world. Everything takes too much energy to do and sleeping always seems like the better option. Well, I had to decide one day that sleeping wasn’t the option. Nothing gets beaten by letting it run free.

In the last few weeks, this blog was the last thing on my mind. The hits keep coming but I had nothing to share here. Yesterday was the first time in weeks I had even watched a movie. Now I at least have something to review and with Christmas almost right around the corner, my absolute favorite time of year is here. My tree is already up, the kids and I made a gingerbread house and all my presents are bought, well, 95% of them anyway. As a movie lover, Christmas is also the best time of year for me. I bring out all the classics that I’ve watched for years and years now. A Christmas Story, Scrooged, Bad Santa, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and of course the cartoons. Frosty, Rudolph, Charlie Brown, Looney Tunes, The Grinch and so on until I explode with Christmas joy!

The Christmas music flows endlessly from the speakers of the car, the house and anywhere else I can get music to shoot out of. My favorites always being the classic compilations of Christmas tunes, Barry Manilow (yeah, what? My mom loved him and I grew up around it!) and Brian Setzer. Most people would get sick on the amount of Christmas that comes out of my house and I’m always looking for more. I figured there was no better way to get back to the blogging then to start with Disney’s A Christmas Carol. It was 3D, it was loud and I’ve got quite the opinion about it. So stop reading about all my whining and get back to what we all really want to hear, one grumpy mans opinion on movies!

Under the mistletoe – Will

Paranormal Activity – Film Reel Reviews

A couple begins suffering increasingly disturbing ghostly activity as they desperately try to find a solution for the problem.

Written and directed by – Oren Peli

Starring – Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs, Amber Armstrong, Randy McDowell, Ashley Palmer, Tim Piper

I was dying, DYING, to see this movie. I never get scared in horror movies. Sure a really loud noise and a masked killer will occasionally cause my butt to leave my seat for a second, but it’s hard to really scare me. The kind that gets your heart pounding and your blood pumping leaving you light headed afterwards and sleeping with the lights on for weeks. Other than some films I may have watched as a child, Shutter is the only film to really scare the crap out of me in the recent years. Excited would be an understatement when I heard of this film. Everyone shouting up and down the streets how scary it is and how it will be frightening people for years to come.

You know what? It didn’t scare me in the slightest little way at all. It’s a great movie, don’t get me wrong and the scenes that should be scary did carry alot of tension in them. They just didn’t scare me. Like a huge build up with no payoff, it left me a little disappointed at the end. My girlfriend has taken to watching an excessive amount of Ghosthunters lately and that’s just about what this movie really is. Plenty of night vision shots of doors opening and closing, lights going on and off and creepy voices coming from nowhere.

Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat carry the movie quite well.

The most interesting part of the movie is all the talk of the multiple endings. Before I watched it I was browsing around the net and started hearing about them. I almost started reading about it but with such huge hype surrounding the film, I didn’t want to ruin it for myself. Sadly, that’s the biggest problem with the movie for me. I wouldn’t dare go into even the slightest of hints towards any part of the film besides the ghostly happenings, it’s still a great movie that shouldn’t be ruined. But having read all the different endings, I can’t decide which one would suit the film the most. Ya know what, I don’t want to say anymore than that.

Expect to see this shot alot. If that bothers you, skip this flick.

This movie suffers from one of two things. It either doesn’t live up to the hype of its fear factor or I’m just not easily scared anymore. I’m thinking it’s a bit of both. It’s still a great movie but it won’t be for everyone. My girlfriend still found it to be scary but the scares are cut between long scenes of the couple talking about what may be happening or just going about their daily lives. It’s a great change of pace from ‘masked killer slices and dices teens’ and certainly has a tension that can be cut with a knife at times. The fact that you pretty much know when something creepy or spooky is going to happen kills what scares there could be but some of those scenes are really impressive. I’d tell you my favorite but you’ll just have to see for yourself.

I still say the scariest movie around is Shutter, and not that terrible American remake that destroyed all the really good scares. This one can’t compare to that in my books. It’s an interesting blend of Blair Witch (Oh come on, you knew the comparison was coming), The Exorcist and any ghost hunting TV show you may have seen and while it didn’t frighten me, it entertained me. It’s also one of those great movies that can silence an audience, everyone holding their breath as they wait for something to happen. Those flicks don’t come along often enough for me and I love to be a part of them. Don’t assume you’ll be scared so badly that you’re sleeping with your teddy bear again, but most people should really enjoy it. I’m just waiting for the DVD so maybe I can see all these other endings I’ve been hearing about. What a great marketing tool!

Under the marquee – Will

The Ghost of Frankenstein – Film Reel Reviews

Ygor is back and has found the resting place of the Monster. However, the Monster is too weak to do anything so Ygor searches for Ludwig Frankenstein, the original doctors son to aid in returning the Monster to life.

Directed by – Erle C. Kenton

Written by – Scott Darling, Eric Taylor

Starring – Cedric Hardwicke, Ralph Bellamy, Lionel Atwill, Bela Lugosi, Evelyn Ankers, Janet Ann Gallow, Barton Yarborough, Doris Lloyd, Leyland Hodgson, Olaf Hytten, Holmes Herbert, Lon Chaney Jr.

Like many recent horror films that reach into the sequel pile too often, Ghost of Frankenstein is probably a visit to the famous Monster we could have done without. That fact is enhanced even further by the presence of Lon Chaney Jr. as the Monster. Chaney is a superb actor, but nobody can fill the very large boots that Karloff wore in the previous films. Thankfully Bela Lugosi returns as Ygor, a role which he plays quite well.

The story is starting to wear a little thin in the fourth outing and the Monster is merely a bit player now. Chaney doesn’t have the same presence as Karloff did, but with the little screen time he gets here it doesn’t make too much of a difference. Once again, Ygor just wants his friend back. Of course Ygor only wants his friend back for reasons that are anything but good. By the end of the film, Ygor is trying to get Ludwig Frankenstein to put his brain in the body of the Monster, so they can live together for eternity. Not to mention that it’ll give the mad Ygor power that he so longs for.

Try as he might, Chaney just doesn't cut it as the Monster.

While the acting may still be well done, the story is just thrown together and just isn’t entertaining. It’s a shame as I was really starting to love this series of films. I guess getting three good movies should be enough when there are lots of times that they can’t even pull one good one off now. When the first moment the Monster is shown and it’s not Karloff, the film just didn’t feel right. It’s short running time of just over 60 minutes helps ease the pain but I missed the grand feeling of the previous films.

Now it wouldn’t be a Frankenstein movie without a small child in there would it? I can see how the child represented the Monster itself, not as intelligent as everyone else and almost innocent in a way. In this film the Monster seems to want to have the child’s brain put into his body. I’m not really sure what that helps but I didn’t write the movie did I!

In the end, this one just wasn’t as good as all the other films. Without Karloff as the Monster it really begins to fail. If we had at least been treated to his performance again it may have saved this one, without him it’s safe to say avoid this flick and stick to the original three.

Under the marquee – Will

Son of Frankenstein – Film Reel Reviews

Wolf Frankenstein, the son of Henry Frankenstein who created The Monster, returns to his father’s land to claim his inheritance. There he meets Ygor who convinces him to try and resurrect The Monster.

Directed by – Rowland V. Lee

Written by – Wyllis Cooper

Starring – Basil Rathbone, Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Lionel Atwill, Josephine Hutchinson, Donnie Dunagan, Emma Dunn, Edgar Norton, Perry Ivins, Lawrence Grant, Lionel Belmore, Michael Mark, Caroline Cooke, Gustav von Seyffertitz, Lorimer Johnston

The third entry in the Frankenstein franchise and the last time that Karloff would truly play the Monster was an entertaining film. It’s too bad that Karloff wouldn’t return because he really plays the Monster perfectly. This is also the first time that Ygor is in the series, even though everyone believes that Ygor was there from the start. It’s funny how so many things one might assume about the Frankenstein mythology aren’t really true.

This is a great film, although you can see how the Monster is becoming less and less of the main feature, with Bela Lugosi as Ygor stealing much of the screen time. Again, the performances of the cast are very well done and most of them have not only a tinge of comedy to them but also a very serious air about them. Of course I could just be inserting humour where there should be none.

Ygor and the Monster. Lugosi and Karloff, true horror icons.

It’s great to see Lugosi and Karloff together and Lugosi steals the show as the twisted Ygor, left crippled when the villagers hung him. Looks like dying wasn’t part of Ygor’s plan but revenge is. He uses the Monster to destroy those same people who had sentenced him to death. This just may be the best of the Frankenstein films. While I enjoyed the fact that the Monster spoke in the previous film, Karloff didn’t and the Monster is back to being a mute and ominous presence.

Basil Rathbone does a great job as Wolf Frankenstein (why does his name make me chuckle like an inside joke?) and Lionel Atwell as the Inspector is probably my favorite part of the film. He stomps around the sets, swinging his wooden arm about and asserting his authority with power and a touch of laughs. His loss of an arm came at the hands of the Monster and he wants to make sure that the Monster doesn’t return.

Wolf Frankenstein believes that he's failed at bringing the Monster back, but has he?

It’s a beautifully shot film and after having watched the fourth film in the series, Ghost of Frankenstein, this is probably the last great one. The story is well done, the acting is top-notch and it looks amazing. Frankenstein and his Monster have become part of horror mythology and it’s easy to see why.

Under the marquee – Will

Halloween Contest Winners!

While it’s been a terribly busy and sick week around here, I had to make sure to pull all the winners names out of my fancy hat. There was a great response this time and plenty of thanks goes out to LAMB and to Win Free Horror S**t. Both those blogs helped put out the word and a big thank you to them. I recommend you check both of them out. Seriously, go, now! Actually, you should wait to see if you win first!

I’ll be sending out all the emails to the winner’s today and tomorrow and the quicker I get responses from everyone, the quicker I can get all those shiny DVDs sent out. And now for the winners!

Contest 1 for The Shining – 2 Disc Special Edition goes to Fitz! Check his blog here.

Contest 2 for A Nightmare On Elm Street – 2 Disc Special Edition goes to Shane Brown! Check his work here. Seems he has quite the project lined up right now.

Contest 3 for Alien goes to Cello! Check his blog here.

Contest 4 for High Tension – Unrated goes to Teresa W!

Contest 5 for The Stuff goes to Heather! Check her blog here.

Contest 6 for Bigfoot: I Not Dead goes to April!

Congratulations to everyone. Those are all great movies and if I didn’t own them before the contest than I bought myself copies.

On a side note, I know there’s been tumbleweeds blowing through the blog lately. I was without a computer for a few days, I got really sick for another couple of days and the strain of October took its toll on me. But now I’ve got a shiny new computer (minus all my shiny programs I used!) and some pretty drugs from the doctor to heal my sick mind! Everything is coming up Milhouse!

Under the marquee – Will