The Box – Film Reel Reviews

A couple are given a box with a button inside. Pushing this button will give them one million dollars but it will also kill someone they don’t know.

Directed by – Richard Kelly

Written by – Richard Kelly, Richard Matheson

Starring – Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella, James Rebhorn, Homes Osborne, Sam Oz Stone, Gillian Jacobs, Celia Weston, Deborah Rush, Lisa K. Wyatt, Mark S. Cartier, Kevin Robertson, Michele Durrett, Ian Kahn, John Magaro, Ryan Woodle, Basil Hoffman, Sam Blumenfeld, Kevin DeCoste, Allyssa Maurice, Danny DeMiller, Michael Zegen, Rachael Hunt, Evelina Oboza, Bill Buell

I’ve been waiting to see this flick since I thought the premise was very interesting, and it still is. The problem with this one is where the movie goes after the initial idea of the box is explained. It’s based on a short story by Richard Matheson and after watching the flick I went to learn more about the story it’s taken from. I have to say that the short story sounds much more satisfying than this movie was.

I thought I was getting a mysterious thriller with The Box but what it winds up being is a giant mess of cryptic messages, confusing ideas and an ending that was far from satisfying. Why Richard Kelly strays so far from the original story is beyond me. From what I know of the story it would have made for an interesting movie, giving you plenty of time to dive into the human mind and what would drive someone to kill someone they didn’t know for the promise of a million dollars. Instead of a movie that makes you wonder what you would do in the same situation it winds up being a movie about the afterlife and aliens but it doesn’t even go into those areas very much.

Note to self, don't accept big buttons from men with half a face.

This movie is trying way too hard to be everything all at once without ever trying to explore its ideas. It started off well and I was looking forward to seeing a couple struggle with a decision I would never want to make. It’s pretty obvious what they’ll do though as Marsden’s character loses his chance to be an astronaut and Diaz’s character loses her chance to teach. You know they’re going to push the button so any sort of tension that could have been built from watching them try to figure out what to do is gone. Once the button is finally pushed the movie jumps into this completely unbelievable sci-fi type territory that offers up plenty of weird ideas without having the decency to explore any of them.

As you can see sir, we've managed to capture one of those things from The Abyss.

The movie becomes so ridiculous that it was hard to watch. I just kept telling myself that they would eventually explain everything and I would be left thinking how cool it all was. While you do get an explanation, it’s kind of vague and delivered matter of factly, like telling someone what you had for breakfast. I also found Marsden and Diaz to be more annoying as the film moved on, both of them seemed to be overacting more and more as the story trudged towards its conclusion.

What could have been a great movie, had it not strayed so far from its original idea, becomes a boring and confusing look into nothing. I honestly can’t recommend this to anyone. There’s just not enough good points to justify seeing this one. But, I am only one man and I’m sure others will find it more interesting. And seriously, if someone wants to give me a better explanation of what’s going on in this one, I’d love to hear it.

Under the marquee – Will

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Buy Now at Amazon.com

A Perfect Getaway – Film Reel Reviews

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon in Hawaii run into two other couples after hearing that a psychopathic couple are killing tourists.

Written and Directed by – David Twohy

Starring – Steve Zahn, Timothy Olyphant, Milla Jovovich, Kiele Sanchez, Marley Shelton, Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Ruivivar, Dale Dickey, Peter Navy Tuiasosopo, Wendy Braun

Going into this one I wasn’t expecting much. In fact, if Milla Jovovich hadn’t been in this one I probably never would have watched it but I’m really glad I did. I really enjoyed this one. It’s pretty run of the mill in the grand scheme of things and there’s a twist that should have been quite obvious to me (but I still missed it) but it still managed to have me on the edge of my seat.

To raise this flick above the usual thriller standards are the performances of Timothy Olyphant, Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich. Olyphant plays this funny yet creepy guy who may or may not be half of the killer couple. His stories of being in Iraq and how he’s survived countless disasters can be pretty hilarious, and after each story his girlfriend has to chime in with ‘He’s just so hard to kill.’ which plays into suggestions of them being the killers. The problem is there’s another couple on the island who seem to be just the right types for psychopathic killers. Who could it be?

Chris Hemsworth plays the obvious psycho, or is he?

I’m pretty sure that anyone even remotely paying attention will see the twist coming. I’ve said numerous times before that these things are always way over my head and I like to think that it helps me to enjoy movies a bit more. This is going to be the downfall of the movie in most peoples eyes because it will take away from the impact of the film. Even with a twist you might already know, Timothy Olyphant’s performance should be enough to entertain you.

I’d like to go more into the movie but I don’t want to spoil it for anyone. There must be somebody out there like me, whose brain shuts off when they watch flicks so the surprises are still there, and it wouldn’t be fair to ruin it. On top of great performances there are some amazing shots in there. I’ve never been a fan of leaving Canada since it always seems like it would result in a plane ride and I am seriously afraid of flying but after seeing some of the beautiful scenery on display here I may reconsider. Gorgeous waterfalls and crystal clear water washing onto sandy beaches made me wish I was there now instead of the freezing cold that’s hanging around out here now.

Olyphant has the standout role here but I was watching for Milla!

There’s some playing with the audience in this one as well that made the movie fun. Steve Zahn’s character is a screenwriter and Olyphant’s character had once taken a crash course in screenwriting, leading to discussions about the structure of films. This includes throwing in a ‘red herring’ to throw the audience off. They’re basically addressing the same ideas that the film itself is presenting and it seems as if they’re tapping on the fourth wall. Looking back on it now it’s pretty obvious what was going on but if you can get by that you will find an entertaining flick. It doesn’t break the mold but it fits just right and there are some strong performances in the movie that should help you enjoy it.

Under the marquee – Will

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Planet Hulk – Film Reel Reviews

The Hulk is shot into space towards an uninhabited planet but wakes up and damages his ship, sending it crashing into a planet where the citizens believe he is their saviour sent by the gods.

Directed by – Sam Liu

Written by – Greg Johnson, Greg Pak

Starring – Kevin Michael Richardson, Rick D. Wasserman, Mark Hildreth, Marc Worden, Liam O’Brien, Michael Kopsa, Lisa Ann Beley, Sam Vincent, Advah Soudack

I am so behind on this review today but I’m finally getting it up. Just a suggestion, never assume an eye exam will take ‘about an hour’ because I dropped 4 hours of my day into that place today! Anyway, back to the flick.

Planet Hulk is the next animated direct-to-DVD flick from Marvel and I’ve been enjoying most of what they have offered. This one seems to be a bit of a slip in quality though. I’ve never really been a big fan of the Hulk. Hulk is angry, Hulk smash. That’s pretty much how it’s always been for the big green goliath and there’s not much of a change here. Typically on Earth, Hulk smash is a bad thing but on the planet Sakaar, where Hulk winds up after being exiled from Earth, Hulk smash is exactly what the people need. The citizens are ruled by the Red King who is your regular run of the mill bad guy. He keeps the civilians entertained by making slaves battle each other in his arena where the Hulk ends up. Of course he’s the Hulk so it’s inevitable that he winds up smashing everything and everyone in sight.

The Hulk probably doesn't need armor but he gets some anyway.

As I’ve said plenty of times before, I have been enjoying the DC direct-to-DVD animated flicks much more than the Marvel ones as they lean more into the adult territory. Planet Hulk is running the borderline though. There’s alot of violence in this one, in fact most of the movie is somebody beating the crap out of somebody else and there’s plenty of blood in it. Some of it is green and yellow but it’s still someone’s blood. That part of the movie I enjoyed. It was nice to see something that was steered into the direction of children but the overall story in this one lacked any sort of depth at all. I’m not sure if I missed something but there’s a moment in the film where we are quickly introduced to a group of characters back story. They’re all slaves of the Red King now and are sharing how they came to be captured. One of them begins to tell their story but the flick suddenly switches to another scene and another character never even got to tell how he wound up there. I really wanted to know!

This one has it's share of blood but not all of it's red.

The animation is done well enough but still seems stiff during battle scenes and I can never get over it. I think Planet Hulk suffers from its length. I haven’t read the story that the flick is based on but I know that it continued for quite awhile and I just don’t think they have the time to cover it properly here. It seems as if they went the route of action here but there seems to be a really great story underneath that never manages to crawl out of the rubble that the Hulk leaves all over the place. I thought most of the previous animated Marvel flicks suffered from a lack of action but this is the complete opposite with too much action and not enough story. Glad to see they’re upping the action content but lets hope they don’t let the stories suffer because of it.

On the DVD is a preview for the animated Thor movie which seemed pretty good. Of course I only saw 5 minutes of it and it’s Thor as a kid. I don’t know if I can manage to sit through the entire thing once it’s released. In my opinion, Marvel still destroys DC in terms of comics but DC is miles ahead of them when it comes to their line of animated movies, except for that terrible Superman/Batman flick DC just released. As long as they keep animating all the heros that I’ve grown up reading about, I’ll keep buying their DVDs though!

Under the marquee – Will

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Buy Now at Amazon.ca

Dirty Work – Film Reel Reviews

Two slackers start-up a revenge for hire business to earn money for one of their father’s heart surgery.

Directed by – Bob Saget

Written by – Frank Sebastiano, Norm MacDonald, Fred Wolf

Starring – Norm MacDonald, Artie Lange, Jack Warden, Traylor Howard, Don Rickles, Christopher McDonald, Chevy Chase, Gerry Mendicino, A. Frank Ruffo, Hrant Alianak, Grant Nickalls, Deborah Hinderstein, Laura Stone, Polly Shannon, Dini Petty, Gord Martineau, Chris Farley

I’ve been told that I have to start with the fact that my girlfriend is in love with Norm MacDonald. That also explains why I had to watch this movie. It’s not terrible but anyone who knows Norm MacDonald’s act is up to speed on this one. Funny guy, yes, great actor, no! Thankfully this is a comedy so he should be able to shine in it. In the end however, I just didn’t really laugh that much.

Wow, this was really a throwaway review guys, I’m sorry! HAHA! I actually watched this flick in December but it didn’t fit with my Holiday Theme so its been waiting in the wings since then. Fell asleep on the couch last night so this extra review came in handy. Now, I’ve always loved Norm MacDonald’s stand up and he was great on SNL (especially in the Jeopardy skits) but his film work never really interested me. This one didn’t change that at all.

There’s some good bits when they get their revenge for hire business up and running but I’m sure that Norm is up for better comedy than this. It really made me miss the days of him on SNL. It winds up being the bit players in the movie that provided the most laughs for me. Chris Farley, Chevy Chase, Don Rickles, these guys have some of the better lines of the movie.

Dead hookers in car trunks doesn't make a good car commercial.

Most of the fun I had in this movie is seeing where in Toronto it was filmed, plus some cameos from Dini Petty and Gord Martineau who are regular faces on Canadian television. I know that I’m usually hard on comedies and this one at least had some good funny moments. That’s more than I can say for quite a few other flicks. I just didn’t find Norm MacDonald’s deadpan delivery as funny in this movie as it was on SNL or his standup. I think that Norm just isn’t as funny when he’s following a script. I’m pretty sure I’ve laughed harder at him when I’ve caught him doing radio or TV interviews.

Dead fish are the least of problems for Norm and Artie this time.

I don’t know if I would recommend this. I’m sure others would find it more funny than I did. I know my girlfriend sure did! To me, it’s just another run of the mill comedy. A throwaway type of flick really that might be good if you haven’t seen it and have some free time to kill.

Under the marquee – Will

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Buy Now at Amazon.ca

Ghost Machine – Film Reel Reviews

Two military technicians must battle a ghost that has infected their virtual reality war simulator.

Directed by – Chris Hartwill

Written by – Sven Hughes, Malachi Smyth

Starring – Sean Faris, Rachael Taylor, Joshua Dallas, Luke Ford, Halla Vihjalmsdottir, Sam Corry, richard Dormer, Jonathan Harden

I’ve gotten really sick of watching terrible movies lately and the second I pushed play on this one that cold wave of fear hit me that I was only subjecting myself to another awful flick. Once the screen flickered to life and I could see that the production values weren’t bargain basement cheap I relaxed a little and wound up enjoying this flick much more than I thought I would.

Two military techs are testing a new virtual reality simulator in the army and after testing it with some soldiers, they pack it up and take off to a nearby abandoned prison. The prison carries rumors of torture and interrogation and their friend, who works security there, speaks of a wing that he won’t go into. This spurs Sean Faris’ character Tom to test their machine in there. Tom has some shady behind the scenes business with the VR equipment that is revealed in the final parts of the film.

Sean Faris as Tom who looks surprisingly like Tom Cruise.

It’s a ghost movie so the typical plot point of revenge is in there. Ghosts don’t seem to do much else except roam around looking for vengeance anyway, but the acting is well done and the plot has more going on then just an evil ghost. It helps that the movie looks good. The prison they end up in is run down and creepy and the ghost has quite the talent for slaughtering people with a long chain and hook. It was fun to watch and more interesting than slasher with a knife flicks. I guess I have a fondness for ghost movies.

There’s plenty of shut your brain off action going on here. You’ve got a virtual reality machine that gets infected by a ghost first of all but Tom also happens to have a way to deal with this problem. That right there is a big ’switch the brain off’ moment but it’s alright. While most of the acting is well done, Richard Dormer as Taggert, the grizzly army instructor, is way over the top. This guy is giving Superman a run for leaping over buildings in a single bound. It was the one low point of the film for me and every time he hit the screen I found his character to be extremely annoying. Of course we all know what happens to those characters that grate your nerves and are the jerk of the flick!

I'd join the army if I fought alongside her!

I was a little disappointed at the lack of blood here though. It starts out strong enough but fizzles out as the film moves along. Some of the gore suffers from the obvious CG look of it but the ghost has enough evil charm to make up for it. Plus I thought her chain weapon was freaking cool! This certainly isn’t a great movie by any standards. It’s not going to be selling out theaters nationwide or something but it’s loads of fun. It broke my string of bad films I had to sit through and just the production quality of it would have been an ease to my tired brain. Throw in an interesting concept, some great characters and an awesome bad guy and I’m hooked.

Under the marquee – Will

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Buy Now at Amazon.ca

Edges Of Darkness – Film Reel Reviews

Tells three separate tales of survivors living after a zombie apocalypse.

Directed by – Blaine Cade, Jason Horton

Written by – Blaine Cade, Jason Horton

Starring – Alonzo F. Jones, Shamika Ann Franklin, Annemarie Pazmino, Lee Perkins, Michelle Rose, Xavier Jones, Jay Costelo, Alisha Gaddis, Robert Kitchen, Wayne Baldwin, Damon Burks

First of all, this is not a zombie movie. It looks like a zombie movie and I got the impression that it was but in the end it has almost nothing to do with zombies. Well, zombies roam around outside and you get an opening scene of a zombie attack but that’s it. That’s just the first of many problems with this movie.

It has three different stories involving people that all live in an apartment complex but they never cross paths and each of their stories is more unbelievable than the last. One involves a couple who constantly argue over the amount of time the guy spends on his computer. He can’t stop writing horror stories and his wife just wants some attention. Eventually he installs a new processor in his computer that grows tentacles and feeds off living things. Weirdness begins.

Next up is another couple who are looking for food. Not canned beans mind you, these two are vampires and they’re hunting for any living survivor they can eat from. I wasn’t even sure they were vampires. There’s no pointy teeth and they wander around in the daylight. I thought they were just wacked out survivors who were trying to live off of human blood. Eventually the guy captures some girl and they make her their dinner, taking only what they need to survive so they can keep their food alive. Something is wrong with the girls blood though (we’re never told what.) and it takes its toll on the vampires.

Finally we have the tough as nails and terribly overacted female Rambo (seriously, I can’t remember names, it wasn’t that important.) who saves a mother and her son. Turns out some religious nuts want the son dead as they believe he’s the son of the devil. Is he, isn’t he? I’m not sure but I think so. I just couldn’t care by the end.

If you're a vampire, your food needs to be a little more fresh than this.

With the explanation of all the different stories out of the way, I can get to bitching about this one. It sucked. There, plain and simple. It was boring, the acting was awful, the plot was stupid and it had nothing to do with zombies at all which is what I thought it was all about. I can get over bad acting. Plenty of films I enjoy are full of it but those movies are either fun to watch or have an amazing story to them. That or they’re filled with enough gore to make up for anything. The stories in this one are all dumb, although the couple and the computer tentacle was the worst by far, and they all made no sense. On top of that, there isn’t much of a resolution at the end either.

We never know what’s going on with the vampires and why the girls blood is hurting them, I don’t remember there being any solid evidence that the son of the devil was anything but an unlucky little boy and the couple with the computer get an ending although it’s not surprising and pretty stupid. Honestly, I have had my fill of bad movies lately, I just can’t take anymore and yet here I was sitting through this one.

Score one for Rambette!

I really wanted to watch this movie too. I had assumed that it was a zombie flick and no matter how bad those are I usually end up enjoying them on some level. Shame on me for not hitting the Internet to learn more about this one. I’m pretty sure I would have avoided it like the zombie plague. Don’t even waste your time with this one unless you have some intense urge to hurt yourself.

Under the marquee – Will

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Buy Now at Amazon.ca

The Gingerdead Man – Film Reel Reviews

A gingerbread man comes to life with the soul of a serial killer inside him to seek revenge on the girl who testified at his trial.

Directed by – Charles Band

Written by – William Butler, August White

Starring – Gary Busey, Robin Sydney, Ryan Locke, Larry Cedar, Alexia Aleman, Newell Alexander, Margaret Blye, Jonathan Chase, Daniela Melgoza, James Snyder

Yeah, The Gingerdead Man, I know. See, it was getting late last night and I wasn’t up for a 2 hour movie experience. When I saw that this flick was only 70 minutes, I couldn’t resist. I’m glad it wasn’t longer than that because I’m not sure I could have taken it. I’ll give you a quick rundown of the plot to better illustrate all the stupid parts of the movie!

Gary Busey is robbing a store and kills Sarah’s (Robin Sydney) brother and father but lets her live. Flash forward and Busey has been executed for his rampage and Sarah works in her family bakery with her hard drinking mom and a couple of friends. Across the street a fancy restaurant will be opening soon and it’s owned by some dude (can’t remember his name) who wants to put Sarah out of business because he doesn’t want his customers looking at her crappy store across the street. The dude’s daughter, Lorna, is the reigning Pretty Face of Waco, is dating the town punk and hates Sarah. Lorna and her boyfriend pay a special visit to the bakery late one night which just happens to be the night that the Gingerdead Man comes to life.

I'm not sure who is better looking, Gary Busey or the Gingerdead Man?

Of course there’s the typical resurrection scene for the Gingerdead Man. A mysterious person drops off some ’special’ gingerbread seasoning and one of the workers at the store cuts himself and bleeds into the dough. You never find out who the mysterious person was but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter, or at least the filmmaker didn’t care. The plot is full of stupidity. The entire movie takes place in the bakery and nobody ever goes further than the parking lot outside. None of the phones work but nobody bothers to go across the street to use a phone even though Lorna’s dad owns the building there. Not to mention there must not be any other business’ around since they just kind of give up on phoning the police.

The acting is terrible and the dialogue is just as bad and in the midst of all this insanity, Sarah and Lorna’s boyfriend Amos start flirting with each other and eventually falling in love. Nothing says love like almost being killed by a living gingerbread man! If the acting and story weren’t bad enough, only 3 people die and only one of them happens onscreen. Rule of thumb for horror flicks with no budget, spend all the money you’ve got on killing people and that will be good enough. Sadly, the high point of the film is the Gingerdead Man. He’s completely wacky and ridiculous to look at, not to mention he’s a 6 inch tall killer.

That's about as much blood as you get in this one.

This isn’t quite one of those ’so bad it’s good’ kind of movies but it’s very close. I didn’t want to rip my own eyes out while watching and it’s probably a good time for a bunch of drunken friends. It’s very short running time helps since I’ve sat through worse TV shows that run just as long. If you took the Gingerdead Man out of the flick and replaced him with a person then this would have been a giant turd. This could easily be someone’s guilty pleasure and I may just have to make some of my friends suffer through it with me one night. If you’re really up for some bad, cheesy flicks then check this one out. Don’t say I didn’t warn you first though!

Under the marquee – Will

Buy Now at Amazon.com

Everything is better in a montage!

A little while ago I was telling Goregirl of Goregirls Dungeon that everything is better with a montage. While she wasn’t entirely convinced, I commented that I should make my own montage of the process I go through when making a blog entry. Well, here is the end result.

I like to think that this is a quick way to see into the mind of The Film Reel. This video will give you an indepth look at how a blog post evolves around here. You’ll also get to see some of my techniques that I use to help motivate the creative force in my brain. Hopefully you’ll come away with a greater understanding of just how much love and effort I put into The Film Reel each and every day!

Under the marquee – Will